As we all know, playing a new game is a lot like trying to make a new friend. You are going to spend a lot of time together, hopefully share some incredible moments, and really get to know one another. Our review scale is designed to give you an idea of what type of person you’re dealing with when you bring a new game into your home. All of our reviews will end with a comparison of each game to one of the following types of people:
The Adonis Immaculate is a refined man of rare breed. He's one of a kind; a lady killer. He'll teach you a life lesson and he'll look good doing it, the awe inducing machismo of Adonis Immaculate is a spectacular example of what it means to be a man. A game rated Adonis Immaculate is damn near a dream come true. It's a primo game that everyone should be able to play and enjoy. Expect a splendid example of a top of the line gaming experience that holds up years after it's release.
Coolguy Jones is the life of the party. He drives a slick muscle car. He drops by your house to hang out and surprises you with your favorite milkshake. Games rated Coolguy Jones are fun, clever, provide something noteworthy or special, and are definitely worth your time. We enthusiastically recommend you play these titles. Expect a game that is great overall, but may have some small issues that are outshined by the experience as a whole.
The thing about Milds Davis is that, at his core, he's an okay dude. He tries a little too hard to impress and doesn’t get a few of the basics quite right, but he does some things (like play the trumpet) quite well. Games rated Milds Davis offer some good flavor, but do not fully deliver the experience as intended. These type of games are welcomed by the right type of crowd, but they are certainly not for everyone. Milds Davis walks the thin line between okay and passable. Expect a game that is mediocre yet flawed in some fashion.
Now listen here, young man, PTA Dad is ready to law down the law with his strict and weird rules. Both unfunny and unable to seize the moment, PTA Dad is not the type of guy you want to be around most of the time. He may occasionally show an inkling of humanity, but he is more often confused and angry for reasons unbeknownst to you. A game marked with the PTA Dad is a disappointment. Underneath all of its problems there might be something substantial, but it often fails to surface. Expect a game that is subpar at best.
Bad news. Poop Man is an absolute mess. He smells, lacks a decent set of manners, and is literally a fecal monstrosity. A Poop Man is the last guy you want inside your home. Games rated Poop Man are somewhat offensive to the player's senses, generally broken in various ways, and often a waste of time and energy. A game rated Poop Man is one you may want to avoid. Expect a bad time.